HD Remakes Round 1

by Unicorn Hole and Pals

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Unicorn Hole has been around for nearly a decade now, but only recently have I started using realistic VSTs in place of raw midi. This EP contains five tracks that were formally only available in my old style, mega-evolved into modern Uhole madness. To keep things interesting, each track also features a guest vocalist dropping lines here and there throughout, and a guest composer adding a short bridge. If you hear a guest you like, follow their link in the lyrics for that track! I recommend each of them, obviously. This EP features a bonus track available only to those who download, so don't hesitate! Also note that this is only round 1, and more remakes are on the way. Follow Unicorn Hole on FB to stay informed and entertained!


released February 29, 2016

I allow my vocal guests to record lines wherever they like, so if you're curious about who sung what, feel free to ask! The guest composers are credited in the lyrics of their respective songs. Note that the guests wrote ALL of the music for their parts, including the guitars and drums. I mixed everything in my style, but the composition is all theirs! The bonus track was written roughly 50/50 by Yakui the Maid and myself. The production credit goes to Yakui for this one. The song is based on track eleven from my "return of the revenge" full-length. Check out more from Yakui here: soundcloud.com/yakuitehmaid

As usual, I need to thank Tyler Hendricks for all his help with production and Chris Kurschies of Poopmaster for his feedback on my mixes and composition. Uhole relies on them to release quality Nintendocore! Finally, the cover art was drawn in MS Paint by me, but the Street Shark design is based heavily upon JTF3's original drawing. You can check out his work here: jtf3.deviantart.com



all rights reserved
Track Name: The King of Hyrule (with Dustin E and Poopmaster)
Hey Link, get off your butt- grow a pair of Deku Nuts
First save the Deku Tree, you tree hugging hippie
Stop playing with your Deku Stick, and Raid that spider bitch

Don't call me "fairy boy," you horsey whore
Bitch, please! I've got the Master Sword
Side-hoppin Hyrule Field, straight for Gannondorf
Bitch, please! I've got the Master Sword

Seven years pass...
Link awakens, now complete with pubes
Can't stop thinking about Zelda's boobs
But they can wait, I'm going fishing
I would relax, but Navi won't stop bitching
Back to work, slay the phantom and the dragon
If I don't hurry those boobs will be sagging
The water temple is full of Link's tears
Because it cost him another seven years
Shadow and Spirit, collect more hearts and shit
Visit the Great Fairies, and their triangle tits

Poopmaster, show us what you've got!
(1:45ish to 2:25ish music written by Poopmaster)

Storm into Gannon's castle, sword into Gannon's asshole
I am the king of Hyrule, my name is Link and I rule

Original: https://soundcloud.com/uhole/uholedust
Vocal guest: https://soundcloud.com/dustin-elmore-906725760
Music guest: https://www.facebook.com/thepoopmaster/
Track Name: Uhole Historia (with Andy G and ChipZealot)
Welcome to the song about the man behind the midi
I'll tell you a bit about myself, so that you won't feel shitty
About all the times that thanks to my music you came
Without even knowing my name

My name is Gigleorex, I'm an escaped government aircraft
Fled area 104, which b-t-dubbs is twice as bad
"Never heard of it" you say? That's my point exactly
I killed a nasty human baby and assumed his identity
I quite enjoyed the luxury
Of shitting any time and place I pleased
And don't even get me started
On having someone clean the mess for me

I wouldn't say that I'm the
Coolest dude who ever walked the earth
Instead I'll sing it, so thank my mom for giving birth (to me)
I would elaborate
But I'm so great you could not comprehend
That's why this singing part comes to a sudden end (like this)

When I was ten years old dinosaurs took over the world
So I went back in time and killed them all off long before
I altered evolution in the past on my way back
Hey dudes, in reference to boobs- you're welcome for that
After the ice age, I grew bored pretty soon
So I explored the north, like way up north- as in the moon
I made some craters just cause I needed to vent
I lept back to earth, hit Arizona, left a great big dent
Oh, you think I'm lying? Think this all sounds too great?
Alright I'll admit I did exaggerate
I didn't really kill each dinosaur dead
I kept one raptor alive and raised him as a pet

When Chip Zealot comes in!
(2:55ish to 3:45ish music written by Chip Zealot)

One more little detail before the song is finished
For what it's worth I'm told that I'm schizophrenic

Original: https://kittyonfirerecords.bandcamp.com/track/i-was-gonna-procrastinate-but-i-dont-feel-like-it-right-now
Vocal guest - https://soundcloud.com/thelimitdoesnotexist
Music guest - https://soundcloud.com/chipzealot
Track Name: Bug Type Hype (with ZOMBIESHARK! and Evaleigh)
"Laugh at me, Caterpie all you like
But when I'm Butterfree, I'll be wondrous sight"
And Weedle is feeble, but he'll be a Beedrill
All mega'd up, now he'll net like fifteen kills

Are those guys too flimsy for you?
Then Mega Heracross should do
Arms like tree trunks, crushing who he likes
Went to the gym with Knuckles and Ike
Need a bug that looks metal a f
Like looking into the face of death?
Good news, you can stop waitin'
Mega Pinsir looks like Satan

You think that you can sweep us under the rug
You'd best think twice!
Cause these bugs are straight-up thugs

You think you can look down on us
Just because we're, like, small and stuff
Left alone we can be pretty docile
But pick a fight and our might is colossal!
Evaleigh go!
(1:25ish to 2:00ish music written by Evaleigh)

You can't sweep us under the rug
Cause these bugs are straight up thugs
Psychics are afraid of us
And they know more than you, so take the clue

Peek into the crack of Shedinja's back
It'll suck your soul into the black
Doesn't get much more brutal than that
And that's not even an attack!
We finally got a bug legendary
Techno-blasting those unwary
If you wanna get mega-rekt
Just start some beef with Genesect

You can't swat us out of the sky
Cause these bugs will never die
You can't hurt us with bug spray
Cause these bugs got guts for days
You can't sweep us under the rug
Cause these bugs are straight-up thugs

Original: https://pixelatedterror.bandcamp.com/track/elite-4-bug
Vocal guest - https://www.facebook.com/Zombie-Shark-184088314944254/
Music guest - https://evaleigh.bandcamp.com/
Track Name: Nineties Time Freeze (with Shotgun Guy and Falcon Pawnch!)
When my cars get dirty, I throw em away
When my hos get dirty, I give em a raise
Cars may not stay, and hos fade with age
But I still got cash all day every day
Been shot four times but it's no big deal
Been to jail more times cause I keep it real
I'll kill, I will, won't chill, don't feel
Like it motherfucker, I'm a gangsta still
But I wasn't always this gangsta

I remember the days before we grew to be so old
Play tag, play some video games
Fuck yeah let's dig some holes!
Hours in cabinets and clothes baskets playing hide and seek
PBJs and ramen noodles were the only things we'd eat

My calculator watch tells me that it's 3:59
Drop whatever you're doing, cause it's almost time
Run as hard as you can, oh shit we gotta see
Today's episode of Dragon Ball Z
When we were little kids
There wasn't such a thing as danger
We knew if shit got real that
We'd be saved by the Power Rangers
And we only knew one kind of drama-
"Holy shit! Who turned the floor into lava?"

No I won't mention the pink ranger's boobies
Back then all we could gain from girls was cooties
I swear we watched some funny shit on the TV
If you know who loves orange soda,
Then you know what I mean

But kids these days live inside of their phones
And most twelve-year-olds have kids of their own
We're the product of Nintendo 64s
They're the product of shit like Jersey Shores
And now we're old as fuck, and being old really sucks
Except the freedom, driving, money, and having sex too
Nevermind, kids are lame so being old is what we'll do

(From 2:25ish onward, music written by Falcon Pawnch!)
This final Spirit Bomb requires some extra ki
Lend me your strength Falcon Pawnch and Shotgun Guy
We set out to find Waldo, we need clues
It's so dark, but we've got rad light-up shoes
As a gang we're as tough as the Street Sharks
Jacked up on Surge, romping through the town parks
On our chest- the ultimate crest
That badass, hard-to-draw, six-lined S

Original: https://kittyonfirerecords.bandcamp.com/track/today-more-like-too-gay-am-i-right
Vocal guest: https://www.facebook.com/ShotgunGuyNXC/
Music guest: https://www.facebook.com/Falcon-Pawnch-140069902693743/
Track Name: Denture Adventures (with Mitchell Ryan and She Wants the D-Pad)
Let's talk about the walking dead
Jowls hang down from their heads
Angry, slow, and unclean
And it's old people we mean
Wake at 4 AM and skip the shower
Drive a solid 25 mph
Still manage to hit a few cars
But who cares cause bingo's about to start!
Bingo, where old folks play
Bingo, home of the gray
Grand-pimps get funky with grannies
Cause they got ten times the crannies
By noon bingo is dead
That's fine, it's time for bed
Mostly already dead

We're all infected, science serves only to delay
None unaffected, one day we'll all be grays
We're all infected, and it comes much to my dismay
None unaffected, one day we'll all be grays
We're all infected, kill yourself before it's too late
None unaffected, kill yourself before it's too late

(1:25ish to 1:45ish music written by She Wants the D-Pad)
She Wants the D-Pad!
And no I'm not talking about your great granny
She doesn't get puns even though her name is Fanny
If she heard this shit she would have three heart attacks
Sorry grandma- Mitch, Chase, and I don't hold back

Sunday, scrape off the crust
Go to church, check on Jesus
Other days they mix up the mix
Just stay home and watch their soaps
The neighbor wanted a nap, but today there is no hope
Brave some stairs if you're feeling tough
Oops you've fallen and you can't get up
Just a broken hip, so worth it
Lunch at the cracker barrel, hard candy for dessert
Dressed in their nicest pants that eat almost all of their shirt
Or maybe just sit and stare at the phone as they grow numb
Waiting for a call from their grand kids that will never come
They've forgotten about you, but you forgot their names too

"What if your grandparents hear all of your awful words?"
That isn't possible; I'm not releasing any vinyl records
"But what if they find these lyrics and they read them all?"
That isn't possible; this text is way too small
"But what if someone tells them the things that you had to say?"
Well that just won't matter at all, cause they'll forget anyway

Original: https://soundcloud.com/uhole/some-shit-i-better-talk-while
Vocal guest - https://soundcloud.com/poopty_pewpty_paints
Music guest - https://www.facebook.com/swtdpad/